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  • charlotteb3005

Little too late

I have written about victim blaming previously but I am always saddened to see how rife and how venomous social media and society can be when it comes to victims speaking out.

Recently there has been another high profile case where leaked documents have become public surrounding DA. This time regarding Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Already I have seen some disturbing comments form the public ie: she deserves it as she went with a married man, she’s pulling an Amber, she’s attention seeking, she’s a whore. She has claimed that BP attacked her on a plane she reported it at the time he was drunk and also attacked her oldest son who I believe backed up her claim and refused contact with BP. Somehow because he is famous and used to be a heartthrob this has been completely over looked by so many and she is instantly branded a liar.

Statistically More women die than lie!

This type of victim shaming/blaming is so worrying on so many levels. Many think that there is a perfect victim that you should behave in a certain way and that’s the only way a victim should behave, then that’s the only way you can be believed which is shocking and so wrong. To suggest any one deserves this behaviour is also disgusting. We are living in a really scary time for women’s rights and victims rights.

The world of the rich and famous hides and allows abuse from so many abusive men. We as a society has very easily turned a blind eye and accepted very obvious abuse. You look at Savile, Weinstein, Prince Andrew, Chris Brown, numerous footballers, many completely didn’t see an issue with JD blatantly speaking about women is the most horrific way and smashing things up, Marilyn Manson, Ezra Miller and so many more. Society accepts their behaviour allows them to carry on as usual with no qualms at all. And yet those who come forward with abuse claims are instantly questioned and called liars and rarely even treated with respect.

What message does that send. In the UK 2/3 women dies per week due to domestic abuse in the USA 4/5 women per week. Clearly there’s a link that most are missing. Why are so many so quick to allow this behaviour and equally as quick to not believe those who come forward? Has anyone stopped to ask themselves what if that person is telling the truth?

Sacheen Little Feather (who accepted an award on behalf of Marlon Brandon in 1973) who was booed and heckled while on stage as she spoke of the abuse of native Americans. John Wayne apparently had to be held back by other because he want to physically hurt her. 50 years on she has received an apology and rightly so. How shameful that at the time so many felt entitled to treat her that way and believed it was it right. Imagine who else we could apologising to in another 10/20/50 years!?

The world has become so ignorant it’s become a harsh and frightening place for victims of any kind to speak up or share their experiences with out being vilified or disbelieved. I think we need to all ask ourselves why this is happening and what role we want to play in making this world a better place for future generations.

I am a victim of domestic abuse and abuse from the system. Along the way I have come across awful victim blaming or enabling the behaviour of my abuser which causes great trauma. I come across so many others that have had the same treatment. It’s heartbreaking. It took me along time to understand some of what I was put through it took education, Information, watching webinars, reading literature by experts and academics, taking part in numerous courses, listening to EXPERTS not just liking at memes or tick tok or social media platforms to learn about he depths of DA and what it really is. I still don’t know everything but I urge you if you are going to victim blame or put uneducated opinions out there then maybe you should start educating yourself on Domestic abuse and other forms of abuse, start reading the facts and the stats.

By writing nasty comments or having opinions where you are ill informed you are creating a world where victims are re traumatised and left with no help and wary of coming forward.

There is no perfect victim, everyone has different reasons for leaving/staying, everyone reacts differently, a lot victims don’t go to the police because they don’t actually do much, there’s no wrong or right way to act, abusers don’t abuse everyone.

Let’s please remember that there victims watching what you are saying. Stop and think before you comment on something that kills so many and go and get the correct information/education.

1 in 4 women will suffer a form of abuse in the U.K. which means there’s a strong possibility that a girl/women you know, maybe a mother, sister, daughter, colleague has or is suffering domestic abuse. Maybe she has been sexually assaulted or raped. It will effect her whole life and shape every aspect of her. And most importantly she probably won’t be believed or protected by those around you or the system. She will be mostly likely blamed and the abuser will not be prosecuted. She may even be too scared to come forward at all because for so long she has heard you or others spew the narrative of victim blaming/shaming while making excuses for the perpetrators behaviour. It may make her question if she should come forward and speak up. So she will suffer in silence.

Chose your words and opinions carefully.

Try and look back through history and ask what side of that history you want to be apart of.

Let’s not leave it too late to shift our culture and the way we treat the most vulnerable.

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