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Love Bombing

Like so many I didn’t see it coming. No one ever does. Domestic Abuse is hard to spot if you have no knowledge about it and so many times victims are asked “you must have known?”

 

The cycle of abuse is designed to manipulate the victim, no one starts off by screaming and shouting or being violent the signs are difficult to spot. Love Bombing is the first stage in that cycle.

 

Love Bombing is a pattern of behaviour in the beginning of a relationship where the abuser will show over the top gestures of love or will want the relationship to move quickly.

 

It’s easy to look back and see red flags for what they are once you have lived through it or become educated on domestic abuse. But at the time love bombing can feel flattering and make you feel wanted and good.


It can be described as a whirlwind romance or being swept off your feet. We often, especially as women, buy in to this as something to be desired and romantic. But when things move at such a rapid pace it can leave us open to manipulation and seeing that person in an untrue light. It means our boundaries can become blurred. This is of course what the abuser wants.


Always remember that the abuser is manipulative and insidious every stage of manipulation can look different depending on the victim. They will be good at tapping into what makes you tick. Your hobbies may be conveniently what they like to do in their spare time but after a while you’ll notice that they no longer take part in that same activity as they did when you first met.

Everything will move very quickly. They may want to move in quickly, introduce you to family very quickly, tell you that they are in love with you very quickly.


When I met my ex all the above happened. After a month he told me he loved me, at the time I thought it was a bit quick but found it endearing and was of course flattered. I don’t remember ever speaking about moving in together. One day I looked around and a lot of his stuff was there, it just sort of happened. It was made to seem that him being there was doing me a favour – less running around and I was also suffering at the time with a few health issues regarding my knee, so he really wanted to help me out as much as possible and be by my side. I look back now and see things so differently; I want to shake my previous self.

He wasn’t there to help me or be there for me at a time where I was having an operation and loads to hospital appointments for my knee in fact, he never went with me other than one occasion where he complained and was in a bad mood because he didn’t like hospitals.

I met his son very quickly; he couldn’t wait for me to meet him even though I had said it was a bit quick he insisted saying that it was such a huge part of his life, and it was important to him. What is important to the abuser is cementing themselves into your life creating a situation that makes it trickier to leave them. So that they have reasons to make you stay when things go wrong, they pull on the heart strings. “We have been through so much already together, don’t throw it all away”.


What’s the difference between love bombing and the honeymoon stage? This is where it can be confusing for the victim.


The honeymoon stage falls both ways and falls off slowly as the couple adapts to each other – Dr Sharp


The honeymoon stage is mutual and can feel exciting and new, I don’t want to suggest that someone who is kind and generous must have an ulterior motive. Love bombing will feel far more intense maybe there will be points where you question things moving so rapidly but chose to brush it off its then that is most important to listen to your instincts.

Honeymoon stage will dwindle off naturally and you will fall into a more comfortable relationship where love bombing will follow isolation and maybe co-dependency or even volatility will follow. Love bombing is designed to control there is no room for natural development.


Common Signs of Love Bombing

  • They shower you with over-the-top gestures.

  • They say exactly what you want to hear.

  • They use terms like "soulmate" a lot.

  • They push for commitment early in the relationship.

  • They get upset with boundaries.

  • They're very needy.

  • There's lots of PDA, physically and digitally.

  • You feel like you have to tread lightly.

  • It feels like thing are on fast forward.

 

If you feel that you are being love bombed, then either walk away or put some strong boundaries in place.

Its important that we understand these cycles of abuse and can recognise red flags to help protect ourselves.

 

 

If you are someone you know may be trapped in the cycle of domestic abuse, please see link below:

 



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