January 2018, I escaped from my abuser. I made a vow to my baby daughter only months old at the time id never allow her to be in that pressure cooker, volatile environment ever again.
Now 4 ½ years on I have rebuilt my life, studied for a new career, met my partner who has been a rock to both my daughter and I, I have moved area and campaigned and raised awareness around domestic abuse. In October 2020 I climbed Ben Nevis to raise awareness and money for a domestic abuse charity which I’m still proud of and slightly astonished I made it to the top! I was honored to be asked to write an inspirational piece for The Power of Letters which also inspired me to start writing and documenting more of my experiences.
There are days where I feel proud and strong with what I have achieved, I’m so glad I left when I did my daughter has an amazingly full life and so do I we are so lucky in so many ways. I met someone who is kind and generous and always supportive and has a family who has become our own along with my own parents and those who have supported me.
But abuse always has its effects that never shake away completely and even after all this time I am still learning the extent of the abuse I suffered and didn’t understand at the time. Niggling episodes that seem small and insignificant at the time now I see them for what they are. I learn vicariously through my new relationship that so many things were wrong long before I saw them. The way my partner is calm in times of hardship is considerate of me and my feelings, never controls what I am doing, and I never walk on eggshells round him- basically normal. In comparison to my ex whose moods would swing from one direction to the next with in minutes, never knowing what mood you would get when he walked through the door and every stressful event would be taken out on me via verbal insults, silent treatment, violent threats and eventually a physical attack.
The differences are vast to say the least.
Then I must still try to parent with the man who abused me which is paved with difficultly and at times almost impossible where post separation abuse still rife.
I have managed to carve a life after abuse it’s not always easy, but it is a life to be proud of. A life I love and have learnt I deserve.
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